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i was forgotten   
11:11pm 22/01/2003
  sooo.....i have a new LJ name....


add me if you still love me.

if not. ill understand. :*(

3 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
hey wow...look atchya now   
11:41pm 07/10/2002
mood: hopeful
basically. i miss cj. we hung out . he kissed me. told me he was stupid for breaking up with me. told me he was sorry for breaking my heart . he said he missed me more the anything . he said i was exquisite . he said i was beautiful . he held my hand .

this is what i was waiting for ? right ?


am i gonna be lonely for the rest of my life ??

bright eyes show thursday?
5 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
rip my heart out and throw it on the floor   
05:52pm 24/09/2002
mood: gloomy
hockeyCeej19: hey
haleys a goddess: hi
hockeyCeej19: i read your email yesterday
haleys a goddess: oh hah. i kinda feel stupid for sending it now.
hockeyCeej19: you shouldnt
hockeyCeej19: i still think about you alot also its just that it cant work out
hockeyCeej19: with school and all
hockeyCeej19: and i need to get aa job
hockeyCeej19: and i have no time as it is
hockeyCeej19: but that noght we hung out i did still feel something
hockeyCeej19: i just wanted to let you know
haleys a goddess: i that makes me feel better i guess
haleys a goddess: i dunno....it was just that one night we hung out....it really made me realize how much i missed you times like ten
haleys a goddess: and i guess its hard for me because i do still think about you a lot....but we are both really busy...i am seriously either at school or work....its gay
hockeyCeej19: ok i am in class so i have to go
haleys a goddess: ok
hockeyCeej19: but im glad we got to talk
haleys a goddess: yah
hockeyCeej19: i will talk to you later
haleys a goddess: alright
hockeyCeej19: peace out
haleys a goddess: bye

f me. is that closure. or the start of a new beginning? or almost a new beginning?

or as danny says. not enough time is an excuse, not a reason. if he really cared for me he would make time.

um. i think ill choose to lead myself on some more. god i like feeling loved by him again. and that conversation was like 2 seconds long and doesn't even mean anything.

F me. i hate him being in school all the time.

god. i wish i could FORCE things to work out. to bad thats probably the worst possible thing.

god. that conversation was like two seconds long. i wish i could have talked to him for a little longer. um. like maybe ask him if things were ever going to work out again??
1 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
i master in the art of....fucking people over   
11:29pm 14/09/2002
  so basically....i went to the "aloha" dance last night. gooood times. a few drunken ones. molesting freshman and tk's little brother who i have decided i am going to marry.

definitely went to 7-11 after we got home with shannon katie erica and katie r. AND GUESS WHO I SAW. KACEE! I SAW YOU....but when i realized it was you....you were driving away :( and i don't think your windows were rolled down because i was screaming at the top of my lungs. and i couldn't jump out of my friends car in time to chase you. i was very disappointed to say the least. my only memory is watching you drive away. :(

um. definitely worked 9:30-5 and babysat 6-11 today. haa. went and visited jimmy at axis today. was hoping drew would be there so i could tell erica that i saw her husband.

anyways. die homework.

xdeath squad for lifex
1 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
for lack of words.....   
07:01pm 10/09/2002
mood: mellow
aaah. where do i start.

on the outside. i feel like life is going pretty well for me. except on the inside there are things i know i wish were better or that i wish i could change.
david is seriously 'seeing' that model girl. it makes me kinda sad. first he lied to me. and said she was 17. no. she is 16. and he was just like. no is so different with her because she graduated early so she's not in high school and she isn't in our little circle of friends. and supposedly they have a lot in common. which is cool. i am totally happy for him. he sounds like he really likes her a lot. and thats good. and i'm sure she is really nice and obviously gorgeous. but still. i dunno. i guess i really did like david a lot when we were hanging out. so i can't help but be jealous. oh well. whats done is done. he sounds soo happy. and i need to be a friend and not a stupid girl who used to want him. so i hope everthing works out for them. i just wish that i was as happy as him. ha. like when me and cj first starting going out.
talk to cj for like .5 seconds today for the first time since we hung out like 2 months ago. basically it was like. so hows school. good. hows school for you. good. ok well i have close talk to you later bye.
it was sad. i still check my e-mail crossing my fingers that he sent me some heart wrenching e-mail saying how much he has missed me and loves me and never wants to let me go again. GOD i am SO pathetic. but GEEZ. all he has to do is realize what a catch i am. :*(
and now there is this jon guy from work. i dunno. he's cute. and he's nice. and he's funny. and he makes fun of me when i drop shoes on my head at work. but its just not the same. i never get that feeling that i did with cj. the feeling of when ever you are with that person even after 4 months you still get all giddy when you know you are going to hang out. and you can't wait for them to call. and everytime you are with them all you can do is smile. i'm sad to say but none of those things really happen with jon. he is just like a rad guy that i like hanging out with. as friends.

so basically i've decided i am lame. too lame for anyone to want. or not lame enough?

ap english is kicking my ass and its only the 2nd week. although on the first day of school we had to take a practice ap timed essay. i got a 4 out of 9. one of the top 5 highest grades. sweet. i still have the whole year to learn how to write a good essay.

oh. and i definitely bought some new pants last night. yes. i got a size 3. i am losing weight? woohoo.

swim started. eff yah. tomorrow is weight training/running. woohoo.

work rocks out. its a cool job except for the mutant cockroaches that attack our store. they are scary. extremely scary. they make me want to cry.

we have a 9/11 assembly tomorrow. i am going to cry. one of my friends dads died in one of the planes. he was on his way to visit my friend zack. he never made it.

i don't think i'm going to make it.
throw back a tall one.
06:56pm 29/08/2002
  so. went to san fransisco. got lots of cool music at amoeba there. went to freakin huge 4 story urban outfitters and 4 story levi's store and 2 story fcuk and 4 story anthropologie. i was in heaven needless to say. went to berkeley. it is suck a beautiful campus with lots of scary homeless people who sing to you.
EXAMPLE: i was on the bus. and a man sitting behind me was singing this to me. " i know i don't make sense...(gibberish)....all you gotta do is when you see the prime minister of china...tell him i said hello...."


anyways. been working sooooooo much. it will be nice when my pay check comes. i will love it.

definitely hanging out with cute boy named jon from work tonight.

cj is dumb yet i still love him and want him back.

me and jake had a nice long chat for about 4 hours one night.

school starts in less then a weeek. bleh. DIE.
throw back a tall one.
"i'm the same...as i was when i was 6 years old...and oh my god i feel so damn old..."   
02:24am 20/08/2002
mood: determined
erica came back from hawaii yesterday. i missed her muchos. she got me a cool anklet and this way rad painted name thing. and the A in my name is two dolphins kissing. its soooo cute.

today was first day of work at Beach Access in South Coast. FUN STUFF that is. worked 4-10. it was fun. CUTE boy named JON. I set off the alarm today on accident. haha. whee. 40% off EVERYTHING for me. RADNESS to the max.

tomorrow i leave for san fransisco to visit my cousin. i have to be at the airport 2 hours early. luckily that is 10 am. so its not some god forsaken hour of the morning. like right now. i'm stoked. lots of vintage shopping will be done while i'm there. and good sushi will be eaten. i am going to miss him. why does he have to be smart and go to berkley? why?

I definitely hung out with CJ saturday night. and he was definitely wanting me and my new hair cut. haha. not to mention i made sure i looked cute. he played his guitar for me like old times. haha. *sigh* josh came over for awhile too. we went driving around trying to find people to race in his new acura rsx type-s but didn't find any. haha. so we went to the spectrum for awhile. and he definitely had his arm around me and kept giving me those "looks". haha. or maybe i am imagining things. yah. haha i was reading his yearbook and stupid tracey wrote "cj. remember when i wanted "H" out of the picture and then i got all weird. yah those were the days..." i was like what do I not even have a name now? she has just like demoted me to the letter H. boo. haha. i looked at her picture. she is not cute. at all. so yah. i want cj back. bad. but he is being weird. and being a boy. and he was being gay and making fun of me still being in highschool. and he said he was cool cuz he was going to chapman. um. ok mr. big college boy. i think your dumb. and he had pictures of stupid Evens Stevens girl on his wall. and their stupid prom picture on his desk. lame. she is in hawaii now though. so i have to move in. hahahaha. what am i talking about. i'm insane.

my younger cousin is a freak. its 2:30 and he is drinking a sprite making himself corned beef hash? and watching jay leno. insanity must run in the family.

you want to know who i am....so do i...yah so do i..
1 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
sooooo....this is how it is in the end?   
11:53am 22/07/2002
mood: depressed
well. this weekend was full of fun and laziness. let's recap.

Friday - did nothing all day until my dad left for the weekend. then went to erica's to go to the bonfire with her. well. we get there at like 9:00 and allllll of the gates are closed to get in to park. (we thought about finding stuff to keep the spiky things in the DO NOT ENTER part to stay down. but we didn't) then we tried to find somewhere to park across the street but had no luck. so we just ended up going back to see if katie was working at coldstone. which she wasn't. so then we went over to shannons and just hung out. then went back to erica's and sat around. told erica and shawn how i kissed david. haha. funny. then went home. *eventful*

saturday - um. sat at home. slept. was going to go to the fair. WAY CROWDED. not fun. rented 3 movies and chilled with my sisters and my aunt.

sunday - slept in. dad came home at like 1 or so. went to south coast and got some new volcom jeans. 50% off. yeye. applied at beach access girls which is hiring. i need that job. discounts there will be heavenly. <3 chilled with mi padre. and thats about it.

i need to get a new cell phone cover for my phone. and i am also going to go apply at some more stores today. where? don't know.

i really miss cj. a lot. a lot.
i miss the way things used to be.

time to lay out and get browner then i already am.
7 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
you.....are my family tree....be good to me.....   
03:23pm 19/07/2002
mood: jealous
so. hilary.just.came.home. i.missed.my.little.sister.

tonight.i.am.going.to.shawnie's.bonfire. good.times.hopefully.

last.night.went.and.saw.minority.report.with.tricia.due.to.lack.of. movies.to.see.i.thought.it.was.pretty.good.though.





and.in.conclusion.i.think.i.am.going.to.try.to.find.a.photography. class.to.take.
5 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
ben kweller posters in the warehouse?!?! what the F!   
05:47pm 18/07/2002
mood: moody
yes...so last night was a definitely bust and a half. lame me erica and david were suppose to go to shine last night but erica was being lame. granted her mom is pretty over protective and she might not have been able to go. BUT she never wants to go out anymore =[ so by the time i called stacey and found out she was going with jen(ew) and aleesha (double ew) it was like 9:45. so i ended up going to dairy queen and getting ice cream. FOOD the next best thing. heh. right as i was pulling up to my house david came by...by then it was a little after 10 and i was like wearing soccer shorts and a wife beater. and my mom was being gay. so i didn't end up going. oooh. weeeeel.

oh yes. and i kissed david the other day. =] i like boys when they aren't retarded and gay.

cj called me last night. oh yes. he definitely did. he so wants me back. too bad i didn't feel like driving out to tustin last night. or we might have actually hung out. plus if he REALLY wanted to hang out he could have just driven over here. gay.

i need a job. f money and all of its worth. me and erica went to the mall today. i hate going to south coast plaza. i just want to spend spend spend. sephora is my weakness. that store is like my freakin heaven. i need new eyeshadow. and i also need money.

so yesterday was my mom and dads last hearing for me to move in with my dad. it is official aug. 1. so i get to go shopping for new clothes for my dads house soon. wheeeee! its weird though. now that all of this is finally like coming around. i am not entirely sure i want to move in with my dad. i mean i will definitely have much more freedom. but at the same time i will miss my mom. and my sisters. and one stepsister. the stepdad and stepbrother and other stepsister are good to go tho. haha. wow. i am mean. i mean me and my mom haven't been getting along THAT great lately. but still. its going to be weird. i wish that none of this shit would have ever happened in the first place. i wish i was still living in my little green and white house i have always lived in not having to go back and forth between two houses. although i love my new house in the HB....its just not the same. *sigh*

i'm getting used to my car. it gets me around. i still want my freakin jetta or 4runner.

suppose to chill with tricia tonight. should be interesting. don't know what we are gonna do yet. ? random.

i want my little sister to come back from camp. we are going on a "sister date" to see the powerpuff girls movie.

ashley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when are you coming back from the rad to the max tennessee?? i miss youuuuuuuu. oh and beat it is 18 and over right? because i talked to my cousin. and he has been there before and he is getting me a fake id because i'm gonna go to his new apartment in berkley soon and we are gonna go clubbin. but we might go to beat it before he moves out there for school. so yes. if we go. you guys should go tooooooo. =].
throw back a tall one.
06:42pm 08/07/2002
Name: Hailee Danielle Hudson
Age: 16 and 1/2 years =]
Age you wish you were: 20
Occupation: lazy bum/ club swimmer
Location: Huntington Beach, Ca

Hair color: light brown with blonde&reddish highlights
Eye color: green
How many times have you dyed your hair?: too many to count
What colour(s)?: blonde...black....maroon...red...black with red...black with blonde....and dark brown
Ever worn eye colour changing contacts? : yes
Favorite body part: my back..i dunno i its just nice and tan
Body part people compliment the most: ?? legs
Ever been told you resemble a celebrity? Who?: yes..britney spears when i had long hair...and charlize theron with short
Piercings?: 5
Where?: two in each ear....one belly button...and used to have one in the tongue...soon to be lip and tragus tho
Tattoos?: not yet
Braces?: nopenope
Ever shaved your head?: can't say that i have
Height: 5'8"

Number of males/females kissed: enough to not want to count
Number of relationships: maybe 5 or 6 worth counting as relationships
One you regret most: er...the one when i was in 8th grade and he was a junior....bad stuff i say
Why?: um. yes. just bad....
Current boyfriend/girlfriend: noooo
Longest relationship: 8 whole months
Favourite body part of partner: hands/arms and eyes
Why you're with them: i like being with nobody...he is nice
Last person you dated: david i'm-a-big-baby shifflett
Last person you kissed: TK...woowoo..
Are you inlove?: eh..no
If you could date one person, who would it be?: CJ

Fave band: thursday and alk 3
Play an instrument?: used to play the flute...play drums on and off...and going to start piano lessons
Ever played an instrument infront of an audience?: yes
What concerts have you attended?: um...lots
First concert ever attended?: KROQ weenie roast? i think.
How old were you?: 13 or 14
What did you wear?: jeans and a white tank top..haha
What band would you sell your soul to see?: eh. no one.
What did you listen to when you were 4?: haha..freakin disney sing-a-longs yo
What did you listen to when you were 8?: probably the same
What did you listen to when you were 12? def. Selena and freakin N'Sync...wheeeee! i was dork to the max
Best live band: GREEN DAAAAAY...peter frampton was rad too

Favorite item of clothing: comfy worn out volcom jeans
Favorite clothing store: urban outfitters
Favourite clothing label: ? um. volcom i say. or lucky.
Item of clothing you want: oh geeeeez. don't even ask

Fave animal: puuuuuuppppppieeeesss
Any pets?: 1 black lab...1 dalmation...1 cat

Last movie you saw in a cinema: Men In Black 2
Fave movie: THE HEATHERS (so i married an ax murderer, dogma, stigmata, willy wonka and the chocolate factory, oceans 11, gone in 60 seconds, the lord of the rings was damn good)
Fave director: eeh. ?
Least fave movie: all the really freakin lame ones.

---[What do you think of when you hear...?]---
Water: thats all i drink
Summer: surfing everday!
Dance music: gay club vivid and SHINE
Metal: 80's hair bands and mullets
Hair: shiny pretty
Snow: cool snowboarding jackets
Boobs: i like mine
Children: funny little shits they are
Computers: how i survive
Australia: fosters...and JAMES
America: fucking bin laden terrorists
TV: JACKASS and Saturday Night Live
2 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
06:27pm 08/07/2002
  i am definitely a licensed california driver as of right now.  
3 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
11:30am 08/07/2002
mood: nervous
taking the ol drivers test today! WHEEE!...finally i will be a licensed driver...if i pass....

oh. and i definitely hung out with cj last night. i miss that kid. but i must not try to get back together. FRIENDS.
throw back a tall one.
12:08pm 02/07/2002
  so i definitely had fun last night at the show. tk looked really hot. i wanted to jump on him but i restrained myself. *sigh* TK is an ass....but a hot one....and actually last night he was being nice to me....

stacey came back from vegas....YAY...i was sooo happy to see her last night...i hate it when my best friend goes away. too bad erica couldn't go last night....our 3 amigos haven't been together. but yes. i missed her <3 danielle finley drove out from arizona for the show. it was good to see her.

UNFORTUNATELY......me chris jason and matt got into a car accident on our way home. *lovely* we were turning into my neighborhood and i have these weird center dividers with big trees and bushes in them....and you have to stop like in the middle....and we didn't see this girl coming at like 60 mph....and she hit us right in the side dead on. it was extremely scary and poor chris....i called my mom. since my house was literally around the corner....and she was like "omg are those sirens for you...omg you need an abulence..." but it was only the cop cars...she was very scared. especially with me getting my license monday.

oh and to make matters worse. i didn't get the job. :( boooo

going to the beach today. and YES...i will be wearing the scary black paul frank one with skulls. bwhahaha....

my back hurts. massage please?
9 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
05:00pm 01/07/2002
  so tomorrow i find out about my job at anchor blue.....wheeee...
at my interview on friday i had to take a 97 question personality test. it was quite amusing. for example

T or F - I can count past 50.

what in the name of pete kinda question is that? its a fucked up kinda question. obviously i put false. haha.

going to see Ten Second Rule tonight at chain. should be interesting. stacey is coming down from vegas to see them. wheeeee!

um? summer school. mr. theriault is theeeee cooooooolest teacher in the world. we had to do a demo speech and i demonstrated how to keep little kids quiet by bringing in my little sister and tying her to a chair with ties. hahah....everyone laughed. my little sister was quite the sport. mr. theriault used to work for goldenvoice and he has rad stories about shows. he said once he saw this girl with a can of aquanet and her lighter and she just torched this other girl right in the face. OUCH.

anyways. summer is lovely. going to oceanside for the 4th of july. whee.

2 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
10:17am 17/06/2002
  well. i have decided to start writing in this damn thing again.

to begin: i heart sammy! she is my other half and always will be.

i'm getting my license finallly in 3 weeks exactly. yipeeeee.

and friday i went to the beach ALL day....yah..no sunscreen and a new swim suit...i got blisters. :(

sucky. summer school starts tomorrow. and GIVE ME A JOB.
2 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
05:15pm 02/06/2002
  Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?  
throw back a tall one.
well thats my girl.....the drunkest at the party....   
04:42pm 01/06/2002
  god. it has been so long. schools out in 2 weeks. hooray for me....i'm way jealous of sammy...who is already out tho. i do have to go to summer school this summer tho i want to make up my grade for english 1. i dont have to. but it will look better.

i am also going to start club swimming for summer. i need to get serious about swimming if i want to go to UCSB. and even though i could get scouted for school swimming it would be a lot easier to get scouted through NOVA. i was talking to tk and he said that it was a lot easier for him to get recognized through NOVA. so yes. i'm gonna have hardcore training to do this summer. hopefully i get into ucsb. if not i want to go to this art school in San Fran. bleh. i dunno.

i can also say. for once in my life i am totally happy and content without having a need for boys to be around me. i have always felt weird not being in a relationship. but for once i am enjoying myself just hanging out with a bunch of people.

i am also hanging out with CJ again this week. i would love to get back together with him. and not even right now. i don't think he wants a relationship; which i'm totally cool with. i am just gald we are friends again and talking. i miss him. a lot.

yes. anyways. my dad is serving my mom with court papers for me to live with him this week i think. we shall see how that goes.

i love living in HB. it is wonderful. the beach is wonderful. and so is sand. and water. and the sound of the ocean while you are laying in the sun.
5 thrown back - throw back a tall one.
boot to the moon....jaaaazzzz hands...   
04:02pm 16/05/2002
mood: hopeful
geezuz. i've been so shitty at updating this thing.

prom is in two days. yay. i'm excited. i am definitely rocking my pretty black dress with rad pink puma's that no one has.

let's see. court battle has started for me living with my dad. my dad called my mom the other night and said he was coming to get me and i was moving in. yah well..this was her reply "i'm calling the cops on you if you come anywhere near our house without a court order.." so my dad has to do things the hard way. oh well.

4 more weeks of school. yay. then i start summer school for that crack head teacher of mine when i had english freakin 1. gayness. i'm going to be the oldest one in there.

AP test are over. whee.

club swimming start soon.

one more month till i get my license. yay. now i just need to perfect my stick shift driving schools.

i am officially boyfriend free.

me and tk are going out tonight. as friends.

get up kids is coming up oh so sooooon.
throw back a tall one.
09:29pm 30/04/2002
  wow. i miss a lot of people. and i am way lagging on the journal entries.

i need a job? yes.

went to santa barbara for the weekend. i love it up there. i really kinda wish we would have moved there now. oh well.

going to see get up kids soon. whee.
throw back a tall one.